It takes forever for people to find a cause to join or a dead horse to beat well into the ground that defines them. Today, I have found mine.

It’s no secret that I hate digital ‘news outlets’. The internet is cluttered with garbage and these sites just add to the cacophony. To make matters worse, they all act as if they’re providing a service or doing the world a favor by simply existing and doling out their asinine opinions, yet all they’re really doing is acting as a dumping ground for advertisements. Not only that, but these websites always act as if they’re ‘new’, yet they all use the same fucking layout. You know the one; main article roll on the mid-left, the ‘Trending’ stories on the right hand side in a thin column-like pane. An entire block devoted to more ‘Popular’ stories, despite that being the definition of ‘Trending’ if we’re talking about online news stories, which also features a list of the topics that have been written despite the exact same damn list being featured at the top. So manufactured, yet so ‘individual’. Morons.

What’s sad about these websites isn’t just the fact that they clearly were made through SquareSpace or that the old Geocities websites were more creative and individualized despite being template based, it’s that every new iteration of this shit is worse than the previous one. Take the site Viral Women, if it can even be called that. I’m always baffled how these women-only companies get started when I thought the whole purpose of ‘equal representation’ was to, ideally, create a workplace culture where merit mattered or, less ideally, where the sexual demographics were a nice even 50/50 split. Call me crazy, but it seems a trifle odd that companies have to hire women to meet quotas for ‘equal representation’, yet new companies can be only gals and they don’t have to hire guys to fill a ‘quota’. I guess asking for true equality is far too difficult of a task for the wonderful women of modern third-wave radical feminism.

Not only is Viral Women carbon-copy garbage, it’s worse because it’s rife with mistakes that anyone who has spent five minutes on the internet or run a self-contained blog or website would catch instantly. Here’s the first:

College level art skills right there.

At first I couldn’t believe it. First I thought that they had coded the site wrong and that if you were to hover over any of the hypertext links, they would simply disappear. That’d still be a massive mistake, but understandable for a group of people who clearly don’t know how to write a web page. But no, they picked the hypertext link hover color so that it’s the exact same as the fucking background it’s on. What?

Here’s another:

This double-space between words formatting is really ugly.

Taken from some person’s article on Hedy Lamarr, how do you miss a goddamn space or use commas so incorrectly? As for the content of this quote, why is this anonymous idiot assuming that these true technological pioneers would ever advocate for them? None of these modern women are interested in being in the tech industry at all, and by the ‘tech industry’, I mean the actual tech industry that involves programming and soldering circuits and actual tech/engineering related work and not the shit these morons call ‘being in the tech industry’, which is code-word for ‘we write articles on video game systems’. The second link goes to some page on Cnet about Google yet again complaining about how women in the tech industry aren’t holding tons of positions in the ‘leadership’ and ‘high management’ areas. Fuck you, Google. You’ve worn out your welcome with your constant need to feed the egos of these online losers who want to make money for doing no useful work, not to mention your inability to run YouTube correctly. You know the exact fucking reason why this is: There aren’t enough qualified women who have both managerial and technology experience in the hiring pool. Stop giving these retards ammo because you want to seem ‘progressive’. You aren’t progressive anymore and, frankly speaking, haven’t been for a while now since you can’t seem to figure out how the fuck to get Google Fiber out to the entire United States, yet seemingly have time to waste on these useless studies.

Side note, if I were Hedy Lamarr, I would rise from my grave and haunt every one of these girls on Viral Women for being lazy pieces of human trash. It’s insane that women who are inside and out horrendously ugly can simply use a great woman’s name and it suddenly becomes okay for them to be disgusting human-shaped hippos that only wish to slobber over their dinner plates. Plus, it’s a damn shame because if more women wanted to be like Hedy, the human race would absolutely be far more advanced than it is, which is crazy considering how advanced we are while still being so incredibly stupid.

One more hilarious error:

Just sad.

Come on, man. You can’t be serious with this. You got it right in the actual body of the article, how in the fuck do you not read the title and say, ‘Maybe something is amiss here’.

While I could spend the next three-thousand or so words finding more little shit mistakes to chuckle about on Viral Women, I’m going to shift focus to the content itself, which is also a huge problem with these carbon-copy sites. It seems that the modern rule of thumb is that articles must be as vapid as possible,  contain as little factual information as the author can avoid cramming in and it must have some sort of agenda to push. The most common ones are typically social justice causes or related to feminism, but I’ve read plenty of articles that complain about everything from dollars to donuts, and some of the reaching that’s done shouldn’t even be attempted by an extremely limber person who practices yoga and deep stretching all day.

Since I’ve already included it, let’s start with the Hedy Lamarr article:

None of this is correct.

Statements like, ‘If X didn’t do Y, we wouldn’t have Z’ because it makes the retarded assumption that nobody else was working towards Y. Yes, Hedy’s patent is the most notable, but a quick fact check will prove that her patent was not the origin of the idea; it dates back well into the early 1900s and Polish inventor Leonard Danilewicz came up with the idea a decade before Lamarr. Additionally, Hedy ‘set out to develop a secret communication system’, she met with George Anthiel who had prior interests in frequency hopping spread-spectrums to discuss how to make her upper torso (which I guess is code-word for tits) look better. It just so happened that because of her previous marriage, she knew about torpedoes and, coupled with her American patriotism, drove their meeting to the prototypical idea for the eventual patent. I’m not denying that she wasn’t intelligent, just that she invented the alpha version of wireless connectivity because she was sick of being seen as crazy beautiful. Ironically, the whole conversation started because of her beauty and, later on in life, she went out of her way to get surgery because she couldn’t handle losing her beauty. Of course, Viral Women has an agenda to push, so being factually correct is obviously something that must be overlooked. Lastly, it’s a tiny nitpick, but the patent for the frequency hopping spread-spectrums wasn’t specifically for submarines, it was for ships in general.

But the title of the article…

How in the hell is the most celebrated version of the alpha-Bluetooth patent ‘lesser known’? It’s almost like you’re trying to play up the entirety of her part in the solution to make it seem like she did something fantastic but nobody today recognizes her for it and, instead only focuses on her being beautiful. Oh, wait, you are.

I half touched on the next small bit, but I want to quickly stop on a quote from the CNet article itself.

Google is officially retarded.

It’s a sad day when a monolith like Google who has in the past taken great stances and done marvelous things for the tech world falls to social justice garbage. You don’t get diversity by hiring black people, hispanics and women; you get diversity by hiring people with differing opinions and life outlooks. Even sadder is that Google is listening to fucking Jesse Jackson, who is not an official ‘reverend’ considering he left his seminary to focus on civil rights and has made his entire living off of being obtuse, stupid and bigoted to the point of racism specifically around Caucasians. I also don’t get the ‘historically reluctant’ bit; they didn’t release the data because it wasn’t an issue (it still isn’t, in reality) until now. Hell, it wouldn’t be an issue if we had kept up proper quality control over a lot of the Liberal Arts degrees and kept them scientifically sound and objective instead of letting them atrophy and become cancer breeding grounds that churn out useless people with useless diplomas. Had we done that, these morons would have serviceable degrees and be able to find work, rather than sit at home and eat Hostess Tastycakes while complaining that the system is rigged against them while never actively trying to find employment.

 

Even worse, some non-profit organization that caters specifically to women (read: garbage money-sink that eats up useful capital and is objectively bigoted in how it is run) thinks it knows how to solve the problem: by setting some arbitrary percentage of how many women should be in the technical workforce. Fuck you, Elizabeth Ames. As a real engineer, the last thing I need is someone who studied Fine Arts (i.e. fucking finger-painting) telling me that my work environment must have more women because of fuck-all reasoning. I want the best, the brightest and the hardest-working people to work with. I don’t want some useless cunt like my roommate JT who is majoring in fucking digital media studies who spends his time making bird noises and clapping like an autistic toddler. Not only that, but engineering is built and taught around the idea of designing for the safety of mankind. Adding in people who have never touched a math course higher than pre-algebra will lead to completely unsafe designs, which means people have a higher chance of dying. Plus, plenty of these losers have shown that they love and embrace nepotism and nepotistic tendencies, which breaks basic engineering ethical codes which, again, puts human lives at stake since these engineers cannot be trusted to perform their work with the best interest of the public at heart. Finally, these people would require more training than the average engineering college graduate to start turning out useful work and, if they were to simply work as human resources or accounting or in more organizationally-focused areas, that’s a waste of money and personnel bloat, which lowers salaries and also costs resources. There is nothing smart about hitting quotas. We’re supposed to be a meritocracy; start fucking acting like it.

Oi vey.

No, you don’t need to be a ‘tech whiz’ to change technology, but since when is going into the STEM field the equivalent of being a ‘tech whiz’? As a helpful hint, the term is ‘wiz’ as it’s short for ‘wizard’, you mongoloid. Seriously, whomever this author is, she (my assumption) is basically saying that you shouldn’t do that because you could get lucky like Hedy and meet some avant-garde composer who happens to be interested in frequency research which might be able to help you get a better body. I honestly may have lost some IQ points. This spits in the face of nearly every modern feminist’s work to complain about how ‘uninviting’ the STEM fields are along with the work of said STEM fields trying to make the material ‘more inviting’ while still maintaining the necessary rigor. STEM just isn’t that inviting to the vast majority of people; deal with it. The trade off is that you make a lot more money across your entire lifetime for having to put up with mountains of bullshit and headaches during college.

Also, nice job completely lifting part of this paragraph directly from Wikipedia, you plagiarizing hack. I was going to insert more of the article, but it’s completely stolen from the Hedy Lamarr Wikipedia page word for fucking word. I’m at a loss for words because at the universities I’ve attended or visited, it’s pretty goddamn clear how seriously the take plagiarism. This leads me to believe that these writers are either going to colleges and universities and majoring in fields that don’t have enough quality control to employ  Turnitin (which I was exposed to in goddamn high school) or that they haven’t actually gone to college, which is even funnier because the author is basically saying ‘Hey ladies, don’t go to college an major in a high earning field! Just get lucky like some chick in the 1940s did, never mind the fact that technological advancements were easier to make back then than compared to now!’

Before we move on to the next article, I have to address the comments littered all over the content on Viral Women. If there wasn’t enough proof that this site just a vehicle to mine ad revenue from, this should be the nail-in-the-coffin:

Are you kidding me with this?

Pure poetry. This idiocy is rampant on the sites I find my articles on; it’s like watching moronic alchemists trying to desperately find the Midas Touch yet instead of finding it, they’re shelling out tons of money on shitty SEO companies. Organic content and communities will always win out; there is no ‘Get Rich Quick!’ scheme.

Moving on to the next target, instead of grabbing the whole ‘article’, I’ll just grab the captions since I’d much rather people who like the work of the Anoosha Syed, the artist being ‘featured’ in the article, go visit her directly. Plus, I’d also rather not outright commit what is essentially plagiarism after complaining about it:

An HTML error? Come on.

Similar to the Hedy Lamarr article, whomever wrote the article lifted Miss Syed’s work and writing wholesale. In searching for the pieces since I couldn’t find them on Miss Syed’s website, I came across a HelloGiggles article by Sammy Nickalls with all the artwork and a link to Syed’s Instagram where the pieces come from. Funnily enough, while HelloGiggles isn’t my cup of tea either, they at least have the goddamn decency to give you the name of the author of each article, as well as a fully fleshed out ‘About Us’ section and don’t lift material wholesale. Sure, the article at HelloGiggles is similar to the one at Viral Women, but the main difference is that they rephrase the material so that it sounds original to the author of the article, which is why Sammy Nickalls isn’t a plagiarist but the ‘author’ on the Viral Women article is. Artists, stop being so excited that you got ‘featured’ in a single article on a small article aggregate site and protect your work. Unless it’s being cited in standard MLA/APA/Chicago format or being used as fodder for personalized opinion & commentary (like here), it is being plagiarized.

As for the picture, I would personally hardly call Merida punk, but then again I grew up with punk being about a state of mind and not a fashion statement. The reason punks dressed the way they did was to embody the idea of anti-establishment and corporatism, and Merida’s outfit is not one that says ‘Down with the establishment!’

I don’t have too much to complain about this one, except that it’s a bit of an oxymoron to run a blog about fashion and take selfies on a multi-event-per-day basis, or involve yourself in online disagreements/drama constantly and believe that this is ‘humble’ behavior. Then again, I don’t have to live through the validation of others, which is the polar opposite of stereotypical millennial behavior, so I guess it makes sense even if it is really stupid.

To be fair, this is a much better story than the one in ‘The Little Mermaid’ because at least Ariel wants to study Anthropology out of true enjoyment and not because she wants to get some human dick like in the movie. I guess the Snow White one wasn’t the only one that didn’t have much to poke at. Man, I’m bad at this.

Having five cats is nothing to be proud of.

I like how people still think being a blogger is a profession, despite the very fact that the only way a ‘blog’ gets popular is if it gets corporatized and becomes an article-churning machine thus not making it a blog but more of a low-tier newspaper. Most bloggers end up famous either by leveraging their writing into the professional scene, or because they focused on a really niche area and had a really interesting voice. None of these are ever present in a travel blogger cares about is telling you about where they are, where they’ve been and how ‘X’ it is there. Travel blogging is accepted written/pictorial bragging; if travel bloggers stopped just taking pictures and offering pointless and insipid commentary, perhaps I would change my tune, but every travel blog I’ve come across has always simply been about how ‘cool’ the Brazilian rainforests are, or how ‘majestic’ the Alps are. The internet exists and people take pictures of this shit constantly; you are not original. Also, turning into a crazy cat lady is, as already stated, nothing to be proud about. I don’t get what’s with this new fad of people collecting animals just because they believe animals should be treated with respect. You don’t have to substantiate your beliefs outwardly in such an unhealthy manner just because you’re so dedicated to your cause; take a chill pill.

I also find it funny that Jasmine hails from what is the Middle East if we’re looking at the artwork from the film, yet isn’t advocating for something more important, like equal rights in that part of the world, demilitarization across the board or homegrown effort to stamp out terrorism based in religious radicalism. Seems like a huge missed opportunity to me.

Good, I don’t want to read it.

Even if Belle clearly suffers from Stockholm Syndrome in The Beauty and the Beast, at least she was the one Disney princess who had a background that was actually interesting and a character that wasn’t completely limp and contingent upon being saved. Instead of being the clear best Disney princess, she is objectively now the worst. Reading fanfiction until near sunrise is unhealthy and mentally detrimental considering how malformed most fan-fiction are (since they’re generally written by idiotic teenagers) and binge-watching mediocre television versions of mediocre books isn’t interesting. I feel like this I’m going to become a broken record, but doing things mediocre people do like binge-watch shows and post asinine crap on Tumblr isn’t something to be proud of, despite how it’s being portrayed here. There are much more productive things to do than simply be a fan of something. Take this L, Belle.

So, basically the plot of the movie? Got it.

This one confuses me because, on one hand, I’m all for co-ed anything. On the other hand, the way this is worded makes it sound like she was going up against some ‘big mean school’ when, in reality, it was probably because the school either wanted to be all-male or remained all-male from the historical and anatomically correct perspective, those being that men have traditionally been the ones to serve in the army due to being physically larger and stronger across the board. Before you get your sand in your panties, ladies, this is a fact that you cannot argue unless you want to look like a flaming retard. I’m not saying you’re not capable, I’m saying it’s more difficult for you at the baseline. Also, She’s the Man is a terrible movie and the titular movie that is being referenced here is a far better movie for showcasing a girl who can ‘stand with the guys’.

Ugh.

A ‘cultural adviser’ is a bullshit job we’ve made up in the last two decades to appease these morons who have soft sensibilities, glass egos and cannot accept the fact that Linguistics is not a field of study that will immediately leave you set for life upon graduation. The allure of the Liberal Arts field was always the ease of study, plus the challenge post-graduation, and rather than face the challenge these days, simpletons would rather bitch and moan to a mediocre annual wage than work to become better people.

What’s even worse is that I don’t want someone who went to school for Linguistics and spends her time trying to be as much like a wolf as possible to tell me that I’m ‘appropriating another culture’. I want someone who studied History to tell me that because they actually have that knowledge, and I want someone who isn’t going to be offended as fuck that I may not want to tell a story or write a movie that’s as goddamn ‘historically accurate as possible’. All cultures are filled with violent assholes, imbeciles and terrible people, yet depicting that shit would likely immediately have the local ‘cultural adviser’ (code-word for paid social justice dipshit) at your throat unless it was about white people because, as we all know, white people are just the fucking worst. Fuck you. As a hispanic man from a country well below the Rio Grande, the last person I want fucking advocating for me and my people is someone who has lived within the borders of the United States for her whole life and probably doesn’t even know where my goddamn home country is on a map. Fuck you, alternate universe Pocahontas; go cliff dive into a ditch.

My head is shaking so hard.

 

If she really wants to help the Romani people out (of which she is not part of [read the book]), then this Esmeralda should stop writing blog posts and start pushing the Romani people for a society-wide settlement and move towards becoming educated. She should also probably do something more useful than ballet because ballet is useful for fuck-all, even in first-world society. This caption feels really out of place because the average social justice warrior wouldn’t even know of the Romani people and their actual plight that’s based in true racism because the Romani population in the United States and Canada is incredibly tiny. My assumption is that this is Syed’s shot at the whole ‘illegal immigrant’ issue, which is still bothersome because not many people, Canadian or American, grasp all the nuances of the issue.

What’s even more mind-blowing is that The Hunchback of Notre-Dame is a movie about a really ugly guy essentially coming into his own; the book is more of a redemption story involving tragic love. Regardless of which version you read, Esmeralda is not the main character. It’s honestly hard to even consider her a princess when the story so clearly follows Quasimodo and only a moron who got the summary from a biased friend would be able to make that ridiculous leap. Hell, Sleeping Beauty, who was the literal definition of a ‘damsel in distress’ would’ve been a better choice here on all accounts, but leave it to a moron to miss the point.

I intended on doing more, but honestly my head hurts from all this stupidity.