I’ve had three entire articles crash and burn in the last month, which is a shame since they would’ve been timely considering what has happened recently. I called my friend while I was in writer’s block mode and asked her what’s a good way to get out of it, and she said that sometimes you should just go after low-hanging fruit to get your mojo going. She then told me to fuck off as I was wasting her time and she was coming up on her deadline, and promptly hung up on me, so since I couldn’t poke her brain for any more suggestions, I went with the only advice she gave me and it didn’t take long to find inspiration.

I did a piece a while back on a girl gamer who runs a blog that mostly spends times critiquing video gaming and went after most of the flaws that typically fill a feminist gamer’s argument litany when it comes to video gaming. She’s apparently still going, so good on her, but that doesn’t mean I won’t take the piss out of her or what she says if it means I can get my juice goin’ again. For those of you too lazy or uninterested to look in my post history, here’s a perfect encapsulation of how you should prepare to go into this:

It doesn’t get smarter, by the way.

I don’t know what to make of this because all it is saying is that gender is messier than a very simple spatial/mathematical concept. When you make a comparison where you aim to highlight how ‘X’ something is, you generally craft the phrase and pick your words so that it’s clear how much more ‘X’ the first item being compared is. As an example, this title would’ve been better if it was worded as such:

Gender is Messier Than the Nest of a Shut-in Who Orders Take-Out Every Day

You see how much better a picture that paints? Not only that, but using her shitty title, another point put onto this hypothetical line would be ‘messier’ despite how simple that idea is. Again, don’t use really simple concepts when trying to portray something that is supposedly extremely complicated and nuanced.

Proof you don’t do anything during the day.

I nearly fell out of my chair when I read this, first from the shock of trying to comprehend something this stupid and then again from laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe. Here’s a tip to parents or soon to be: if you ever think about things like ‘the construction identity around gender’ or similar topics like ‘the sex talk’ or ‘the gender talk’ in great detail when your child isn’t even in kindergarten, let alone at a point in school where things relating to sex and the differences between the sexes is actually critically important to proper development, you are mental and need unbiased professional help. Dip-shit, you think about this gender garble on a daily basis not because of your kid but because you’ve made your livelihood on complaining about it and when specific arbitrary quotas that are personal to you and only you surrounding it aren’t met in certain media. You’re implicitly blaming your kid as the reason why you ‘think this way’, despite years of evidence of the contrary, which means your lying and your leveraging you fucking kid to help bolster your work. Those are some massive scum tactics. I also love how you call her a ‘gnome’, despite the fact you run a website that is focused on spreading feminism ideals which, since they’re so broad these days on what offends them, would likely piss off people of your own group. You can’t make this shit up.

Some people really shouldn’t be parents.

Fucking gold; this young girl is learning about society and general typical societal behaviors and interactions in a controlled environment, and apparently that’s awful. Lady, if you truly gave a shit about ‘socializing’ your daughter better, you wouldn’t leave her in a daycare, you would raise her at home and teach her everything so she becomes imprinted to your thinking. However, since you’ve made writing your profession, which is an overly-saturated market, you obviously don’t have the time to do so, so you need to leave her in a day care in order to care for her properly, yet it eats at you that you have to do this because your daughter is learning about the world without your influence. I love it.

The reason these are gender and social ‘norms’ is because they are typical behaviors for both the sexes and for society. As well, you’re implicitly shaming people who had similar childhood experiences and your daughter for behaving like a typical four-year old girl would behave. On top of that, you’re making the huge assumption that your daughter gives a shit about what clothes she wears, how those clothes look and all of these other nuances that are impossible for her to understand because she isn’t developed enough to be able to process thoughts at that level. Most importantly, there is no fucking baggage, you twat. You’re the one with baggage, not your daughter and that’s because four year-old children cannot process the concept of ‘baggage’ until much later on in life. Good heavens are you stupid.

Fuck, I’m crying. HA!

Watching someone get their comeuppance is always delicious, but this is beyond delectable since it’s coming directly from Mother Nature. I can only imagine the kind of BSOD-stare this poor girl gives her retarded mother as mom just launches into a lecture about ‘non-binary genders’ and equally vapid ideas and concepts; all I keep thinking of is that video of the baby deer that screams like a teenager who just got asked to do the dishes (enjoy).

There are two sexes. There are two genders. I’m getting sick and tired of seeing people apply the spectrum theory without any understanding of how a spectrum is created and why it doesn’t work for genders. I’ve talked about it before, but the bottom line is that a spectrum is developed once you have absolutely known an established boundaries (at least two) and enough data in between the two points to ensure there are indeed varying levels of ‘greyness’; look at the basic visible colored like spectrum to fully grasp what I’m saying. It doesn’t work for sexes because we’ve never had a third sex in the history of ever, and it doesn’t work for genders because sociologists, sexologists and gender studies folks haven’t done enough actually testing to get those necessary data points on the spectrum line. There could very well be multiple genders, but until we actually put real time, statistics and utilize the scientific method into this endeavor in an unbiased manner, we’ll never know; please save the ‘the absence of evidence is not evidence of absence’ shit because it’s the same line people use for things like paranormal phenomena and other fields of bullshit study that are based off of people guessing instead of doing ‘difficult things’ like putting numbers into Excel and using Goal Seek.

Lastly, there aren’t ‘a universe of genders’, you mole. Even if a line technically has infinite data in between its boundary points, a spectrum has clear areas of delineation. At some point, the amount of visible color to the naked eye ends, thus we can logically assume that the number of genders, if they really are on a spectrum and the spectrum theory is proven to not be total monkey dung, would also be finite. Shit, I swear some of you talk like you never went to high school.

This just in: complicated subjects are still complicated, even if they are made up. More at eleven.

I need to tangent for a second. When did it become normal for writers to use single-star phrases like ‘super difficult’ instead of a single, eloquent word like ‘challenging’. Hell, even just the word ‘difficult’ works in this case. It’s almost like a whole generation of people suddenly forgot how the English language works and, since it doesn’t want to expand its vocabulary, it instead uses the approach of tons of easier words to describe similar situations that the ‘bigger’ words do more eloquently. Oh, wait.

Language and ‘jargon’ has nothing to do with it. The fact is that your daughter doesn’t have the mental capacity to handle such nuanced subjects. The same thing would happen if you tried to teach her about differential equations or the four different types of known forces. There are some things, even if they are complete garbage, that you can’t dilute down without losing important information in translation. Maybe your daughter could handle this shit at age ten, possibly even at age seven if she’s truly ahead of her peers, but at age four? She has no fucking chance, and here you are, trying to drill biased rhetoric into her head that survives because it’s so goddamn over-complicated. I don’t know shit about raising kids, but it can’t be good to keep attempting to teach them something that is vastly outside of their available mental capacity.

I don’t have any idea how to tackle your second point, mostly because I’m just stunned at what you said. You’re implying that two sexes don’t clearly exist and that two genders haven’t clearly shown prevalence throughout history, which is just factually incorrect. In addition, you’ve show that you don’t even understand the concept of a line or a spectrum and that you rather favor gender as some amorphous blob floating around, which is ironic because you would need a very specific line type of line called a ‘curve’ in order to make this amorphous blob, not to mention that you’d still be containing all available genders into a field rather than a line. To top this off, if none of those match what you believe and you instead ascribe to the idea of a truly limitless field of genders, then that means no beliefs can be left out, which is just insanity. Believing in this means that if someone comes up with a gender called ‘murdergender’ where they take over the gender of their latest victim or ‘multi-personalitygender’, where someone’s gender follows whatever the voices in their head say that day, we have to believe them and let them be who they are instead of keeping them from murdering innocents and suffering from the onset of schizophrenia. Lady, you are a nut.

What follows is some comic she made. Unfortunately, it isn’t funny or entertaining like most comic material, just extremely preachy and stupid. Here’s my quick responses to what’s in the panels:

• If you have ‘no gender’, you would be exactly in between the ‘male’ and ‘female’ gender. This is known as ‘androgynous’ and is hinted at in the word itself: ‘andro’ relating to male and ‘gynous’ relating to female.
• You cannot be multi-gendered. This is because you cannot be multi-sexed. Save your XXY or XXXY or any of the other genetic mutations on the sex chromosome, you walking marshmellows, those are not ‘other sexes’.
• To add to that, you also cannot be agender because you cannot be asexual. Humans are not built like fucking worms or mushrooms; we cannot individually procreate.
• Facebook included those genders because people who began ascribe nonsensical genders to themselves threatened to leave consistently enough for Zuckerberg and co. to include them. They don’t give a shit about your feelings, they want your cash potential.
• Fluids are fluid. Time is fluid. Sex is not fluid, thus gender is not fluid. Stop this nonsense.
• In order to be trans, you need to be transitioning from one sex to the other. It is not simply because you say you are; to be a transgender person, you also need to be transsexual, and that means you need to be in a pre-transition phase, a transitioning phase, or a post-transitioning phase. Open a dictionary for Christ’s sake.
• The fuck you need a ‘gender identity’ for? You guys love classifying things more than fucking biologists. Just be yourself, my god.
• Take your last panel and throw it in the garbage, along with yourself.

God, this shit makes me want to go do something more productive, like clamp my dick in a vice.

Protip: If you link to something, have it be relevant to your point.

 

I’ll never understand why modern social justice crusaders believe that using their anecdotal, biased and quite possibly bullshit ‘evidence’ means that whatever they’re whinging on about matters at all. You don’t have enough unbiased data to matter, fuck off and go do real polling. Also, please tell me that you have a point to your abrupt cut from ‘failing to girl’ into complaining about your hair.

Good heavens, I feel bad for your other half.

Hearing ‘I would’ve done this ten years ago’ always makes me chuckle, usually because it involves shit like cosmetic surgery which tends to almost always be a losing proposition even if done well, and because it’s a foolish sentiment. Time shapes you; you don’t think now how you did back then. Assuming what gets you excited now would excite you back then just tells me that you don’t actually know yourself, and leaves me questioning why you have a child. Also, unless you never sweat and you don’t get very oily hair, bathe for fuck’s sake. You have a kid, which means you’re getting more messy than ever. You have zero excuse to not bathe.

What’s left of her piece is her making a shitty comparison between sandals you’ve broken in and sexy stilettos that you didn’t know existed and are so hot that they apparently leave you at a crossroads over your sandals. It’s mind-boggling that someone who is open to the idea of people being multi-gendered can’t grasp that it’s a tool move to buy footwear based on looks and not practical things like wear & tear resistance and comfort or that you could just buy the fucking sex goddess pumps and still have your comfortable sandals.

If you need me, I’ll be stapling my ball sack to the ceiling to alleviate this headache.