I had an entire piece nearly done, but leave it to my idiot friend to call me drunk in the middle of the night to talk about stupid nonsense. He was in a tizzy, you see, because he is a huge fan of Overwatch, which is Blizzard’s newest IP and looks stellar. He is also a huge Tumblr user, and is big into the social justice scene. You may be asking yourself why I’m friends with this guy, and it’s because nine times out of ten, he keeps his shit to himself, which is great. He does his stuff on his own, we never talk about it unless it’s a huge hot button issue, and when we do, it’s generally even-keeled. That one remaining time, however, always makes me want to punch him in the face, for being so dumb, and in the dick to perhaps ensure his chance of procreation go down ever so slightly. I do think he’d be a great dad, but I would rather not see yet another child be programmed by a parent who would rather put their shitty agenda above properly raising a kid.

He went on a half-tirade about Overwatch’s character Tracer, who apparently is under fire because some stupid pose shows her ass. I had no words for him other than ‘Man, it’s two AM. Go to bed, you drunk retard’, which he slurred a goodbye while I hung up on him. However, I am a curious man, and I bothered to look into this.  I figured that this fictional character was only under fire by some really jaded and cunty sect of social justice dipshits who ran out of other problems to complain about. I was wrong.

Forty-six pages. Forty-six fucking pages. Are you kidding me? Is this really that important? Lady or Guy, just save yourself some time and throw your kid off of a bridge, because it’s apparent you don’t give enough of a shit about her to parent her properly because, if you did, you wouldn’t be letting her watch a game filled with psycopaths who kill each other for fun. Also, great to see you pulling out the ‘what about the children’ card like all morally corrupted jackasses do to ensure someone listens to their grade-A horseshit. I can’t believe how accepted it is for parents to simply turn their children into vehicles to deliver their shitty agenda and nobody questions how morally repulsive it is. Then again, what else can you expect from someone who writes a title like this:

Fuckin’ subtle, ain’t it?

For those smart enough to have stayed away or those generally curious, here is the photo in question. I may know almost nothing about art and visual stimuli and shit like that, but I can sure as fuck tell you one thing:

HER BUTT ISN’T THE FOCAL POINT OF THE PICTURE YOU RETARD.

Human eyes will naturally focus on things that emanate light, as it aids us in our ability to see, and on brightly colored objects, usually because those colors are an indicator of something (usually danger). Thus, the first point you’re going to see is the glowing blue jetpack she has on her back, not her ass. Even if that blue light wasn’t there, it doesn’t matter because your first focal point is going to be right in the middle of the image, which is her back above her ass. You would only see her ass if you went looking for it.

For most of this “parent’s” post, it’s a lot of hemming and hawing about Tracer’s character and how the pose is “out of character”. The poster implies that all of Tracer’s poses must be funny or goofy or silly, which is just dog-shit thinking. Just because Tracer is characterized as energetic doesn’t mean all her poses and the things she does have to be energetic. The poster also compares Tracer to Widowmaker, stating that this pose is more in line with Widowmaker. In all the gameplay videos, trailers and official artwork I’ve seen, at no point is Widowmaker portrayed as overtly and openly sexual. I can only conclude that people are coming to this illogical answer because her battle-gear has the sheer cleavage split on it, which is utter garbage. If you plan on writing a fucking book of an argument on the internet, at least proof-read your nonsense so it can’t get immediately dismantled in five seconds by anyone willing to suspend their personal beliefs and agendas and read it in an unbiased, objective manner.

I especially love this:

Wow. What a bitch.

It’s great that people believe nobody will catch backhanded compliments or garbage vocabulary like this, and by great I mean great for me because I get free material out of it. What the fuck is an ‘investment element’? The logical assumption would be something related to money, except that has nothing to do with the characters in the game or this brouhaha here, so all I can conclude is that it means nothing, and was only included so the poster would try to sound smart. You don’t sound smart by using made-up words that you think sound smart, you sound smart by arguing succinctly, directly and with proper vocabulary, you tool.

Later on, this person posts this gem:

How you know you’re dealing with a Tumblrista.

I’m always blown away at how people like this moron bitch and moan about women or women in video games fitting being ‘sexualized’, yet have zero issue with it so long as only one character is sexualized, and that sexualization is open, overt and obvious, thus fitting the ‘sex fiend’ or ‘femme fatale’ trope. Do you not see how you’ve just destroyed your own argument? No, of course you don’t, because you don’t understand anything of what you’re saying; you’re just spewing shitty rhetoric hoping it will stick.

‘Strong female leads’ are strong because they don’t fit into a single trope, you mouth-breathing beta human. They are hard to categorize, fit under multiple umbrellas and appeal to many people. It’s why a character like Hermione Granger is phenomenal; not only is she a book-nerd, she’s a sassy smart-ass who is capable in battle, is compassionate and has a sweeter side hidden away beneath layers of stubbornness and pride birthed from being socially outcast for being born with magical capabilities that are a total anomaly in her family. Not only that, but showing tits, ass, skin, legs, having sex appeal or being/acting sexual doesn’t suddenly make a character or a woman weak. In fact, embracing behaviors, attitudes and things that have directly related to the continued survival of the human race is one of the strongest things a man or a woman could ever possibly do.

It should be obvious that I don’t give a flying shit about Tracer’s ass. Nobody else should, either, because as far as I understand it, the game is going to be in first-person, so you’ll never see it outside of character selection screens and victory poses. Even if you get to play in third-player camera mode, it still isn’t important because it’s a high-octane action game.  If you’re going to be ogling her butt curves, you’re going to get shot and die and cost your team the game. In short, nobody who actually is interested in this game is going to care about this because it’s inconsequential, and you would have to have a ridiculously short fuse because, again, you’re rarely going to be able to actually focus on Tracer’s ass while playing Overwatch. I also find it comical that the person who posted this has over sixty total posts, yet I can’t find any of them except for fifteen that are all in the topic he/she created and most of them are extremely lengthy and horrendously worded and explained. You would think that, over time, someone would get better at writing or explaining themselves but no.

Unfortunately, beta humans keep finding themselves in positions of power, which is sad not because these people shouldn’t get jobs, but because these people are ruining society rather than just shutting up and doing the work that was asked of them. It’s almost impossible now to not run into someone who cannot separate their personal goals from the goals at the place they are employed at. Seriously, save that shit for your journal; when you’re at work, do you’re goddamn work and keep your shitty beliefs on the back burner. If someone as cynical and outspoken as I am can do that, it is well within your grasp. Jeff Kaplan is one of these beta humans and since Overwatch has started, he has made concessions left and right to appease the professionally offended. Blizzard has since changed the pose, which Kaplan claims was easy to do since they had plenty of other possible poses available.

While this is probably correct, the problem is that he cowed to the complaints of a few who cannot form a cogent argument and don’t appear to have any real interest in the game aside from this one ‘issue’. You’re always going to offend people, especially in this modern society where too many kids are growing up without responsibilities thanks to parents who have no business being parents. Being offended is part of life, and just because something offends you or is offputting or you don’t agree with it doesn’t mean shouting, whining, whinging and moaning about it should immediately force everyone to change it to meet your likely absurd standards and demands. You are supposed to run into people who think counter to you and act counter to you and you are supposed to learn how to get alone, how to deal or how to not deal with them. You are not supposed to get your way every single goddamn time.

I know Blizzard won’t read this, which sucks, but that’s not important to me at the end of the day. What is important is calling these fucksticks out on their bull-shittery, both Blizzard and the Professionally Offended, and telling them to stop being retarded. The last decade of music has been garbage, we’ve had two relatively useless presidents, a congress that outright refuses to do what it’s elected to do, conspiracy theories are endless, the world economy is fucking garbage, inhumane acts of violence and control are happening over the globe, and yet all we hear about is asinine shit like how the shirt of a man who put a fucking satellite on a comet is sexist and offensive. That’s enraging, and I hope that if anyone comes across this, it pisses them off, too. Fuck thesepeople who do nothing but read Tumblr all day, who spend boatloads of their parents’ money on pointless degrees like Sociology and incorrectly named degrees like Gender Studies (good job there, universities), who cannot handle criticism in a healthy manner, who believe those that object to their narcissistic whims are ‘problematic’, who organize rallies and functions that regularly disrupt and create disorder. Fuck these stilted, short-tempered harassing cunt holes who are violent, morally bankrupt and will never, ever be pleased. Fuck them and their mental gymnastics. Fuck them and their glass egos. Fuck them.

Fuck them, and fuck you, Jeff Kaplan, for giving them the ammo and the crutch they were looking for. You opened Pandora’s box, you clod, way to go. Get bent.